LIFE ADVICE- CAN PEOPLE IN A RELATIONSHIP HAVE OPPOSITE SEX FRIENDS?

By the time we spend countless hours at work or school, along with other activities with friends of the opposite sex, we often end up associating with our "friends" more than we interact with our partner. Not to mention, how easily technology and social media have created new platforms for friendships with the opposite sex—yet, again, not with our own spouse. As society becomes increasingly more integrated among gender lines, the age-old question remains: "Can men and women really just be friends?" While many people think that platonic friendships can indeed exist, the answer often differs from those who are single and those who are in a relationship. The idea of meeting an opposite-sex friend for coffee or a movie seems fraught with the possibility for misinterpretation and hurt feelings with our significant others.Over the years I have asked a few of my friends and received mixed answers. Most were totally against opposite sex friends while others found nothing wrong with the idea. Responses ranged from, "My man and I made a deal early on to not have opposite-sex friendships. I think relationships are hard enough without adding that stress to it". "I trust my g/f and feel certain she would never act inappropriately outside of our relationship." Some manage to maintain opposite-sex friendships. If both partners agree, the friendship can shift to a group dynamic, with each friend bringing their respective partners into the mix. Not all opposite-sex friendships are  well received. I'll give you a story: Jane’s b/f was training for a marathon with a group of women and men. However, Jane became extremely uncomfortable when she learned that her b/f was running the long runs solely with another woman. "He has never given me reason to worry, but I still didn’t like the thought of just the two of them spending so much time alone," says Jane. She told her b/f about her feelings and after reassuring Jane that there was no attraction, he eventually agreed to stop running alone with the woman when he started getting mixed signals from the other woman. Here are a few tips to ponder: 1. Listen to your intuition. If you feel deep down that your friend has romantic feelings for you, do not pursue the platonic friendship. 2. Keep personal space and physical touch in check. Although the relationship may be more relaxed than a workmate, schoolmate or client, keep the same amount of distance and space you would with your friends g/f or b/f. Close proximity and intimate touch is reserved for your partner alone. 3. Don't discuss your partner's flaws with your friend. Even if you consider yourself very close friends, it's a form of betrayal to vent to your friend about your partner's shortcomings, especially without addressing it with your b/f or g/f first. 4. Meet in public places at appropriate times of day. Just like mom used to say, "Nothing good happens after 1:00 a.m.," the same holds true with your friend. Time and place is a consideration when meeting with your friend of the opposite gender. 5. Include your b/f or g/f in your plans. If it's only platonic, there should be no problem with one more person tagging along. 6. Your partner always comes first. If your relationship with your friend is causing problems in your relationship, your first consideration should always be your partner. While there is no clear-cut answer to that age-old question of whether men and women can truly be just friends, for people in relationships, the message is clear: tread carefully and keep your relationship with your partner above all others. No matter how successfully you think you’re managing your relationship and your opposite-sex friendship, if your partner thinks it’s a problem, then it is indeed a problem. PS: It's difficult to not create relationships with the opposite sex if they are your co workers or school mates